So since we have been in Mexico, Travis and I have been trying to find different ways to save our money when we eat. Of course we have not been living the healthiest lifestyle for a while and decided it was time for some change. So I have been trying to cook meals at home.
Keep in mind, Travis and I have very little cooking skills...
Last night we decided that we would try and recreate these chicken lettuce wraps that we had had at a restaurant called BJ's in Arizona. We bought the chicken breast (that we weren't sure was the right kind to use), lettuce and some Teriyaki sauce then went home to cook.
Of course it was my first time cooking chicken, as well as Travis' so we did the first thing we usually do when we don't know something and needed help; Google it. Google then proceeded to tell us how to cook the chicken in the best way. First step, put olive oil in the pan.
Earlier while we were at the store Travis and I bought some Vegetable oil for a cake I was to bake later that night. Not knowing the difference between the two, Travis told me to put that into the pan as a substitute for the olive oil we didn't have. Me, not knowing any better did it.
Not long after a huge pile of smoke filled the room before the pan caught flames. And let me tell you I could have pissed myself if I had to pee. I might be exaggerating but the flames in my mind went up about three feet and were as thick as the pan. I went into shock. I mean, how do you put out a fire?
Travis got a wet towel and hit the pan but then it fell on the floor and I became more paniced. He hit it again and the pan flipped over and must have cut off some oxygen from the flames because the fire started to go out. I was so terrified, all that was going on in my mind was that we were gonna catch the house on fire and be stuck in here. Ps. I'm terrified of fire lol
The pan of course was burnt so bad and Travis then spent the next two hours trying to scrub the stains out while I took another shot at making the chicken. This time using butter.
All in all we learned not to use things that weren't in the directions, olive oil is not the same as vegetable oil, and what to do in a fire situation. And I"m glad to say it turned out wonderfully....
But just to be safe, we might be sticking to mac and cheese and sandwiches for a while. ;)
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Monday, May 28, 2012
Rest In Peace my friend, May you always be in my heart.
You might be wondering "why does this girl always get sad and always mention the life/death of a guy that didn't even chose her to be his? Someone who was in her life two years ago and will never come back? And I will tell you.
Tyler Jameson impacted my life in a way that I don't think anyone else will. (And just for the record, I do not think he's a god or above all others. Just hear me out)
It was my senior year. I was living in Olympia with my dad until I turned 18 and moved back to Spokane to be with my mom, family and friends. But before I made the move I met Tyler. He worked with my mom and was living with her for a short period of time. He was just slightly older than me but a lot wiser. This kid was very book smart and questioned everything (mostly religion and politics). Far more wise then I ever pretended to be. But he intrigued me.
As we got to know each other, a spark grew and I started to fall In love. Of course it was never going to happen. He had a girlfriend who he thought might actually be "the one" and I had just started getting to know a boy that I also had thought might be "the one" (but that was after the Tyler stuff that I thought that). In the beginning I wasn't sure about the boy that was to be my boyfriend. Tyler had been so protective and always looking after me and I fell so bad.
After a while we let ourselves go and we had a kinda affair. He had a girlfriend but it just felt right between us. I swore he was going to pick me but in the end I think he figured he'd go with the girl who was more like him. I don't blame him. They had so much in common and I was just hopelessly in love.
Anyway that's not the part that changed my life. During the time that Tyler was in my life full on, he taught me how he felt about the world, about writing, about love. He read me poems and lent me his favorite books (I still have to this day). But most importantly he saved my life.
If you haven't noticed or if you do not know me at all, I suffer from some bad depression problems and often have suicidal thoughts. But my senior year was bad. So bad in my mind that I was done with it all. But he was there and begged me not to think that way and told me a story about a couple years back he felt the same way after he had moved to Seattle. He had to move back to his family in Spokane just to get better. He told me that I had family who loved me and that he himself didn't want to lose me. And for some reason (even though so many people had told me that before) it sank in and I just sat there in his arms, actually feeling better.
We spent so many good times together later on in that year. I visited for Christmas and spent a lot of time with him. Memories I wish would never fade with time. One night after we made love, I swear I heard him say he loved me. I asked him what he said and he told me not to worry and to go to sleep. He tucked me in and left. But I could see it in his eyes and I heard him. Another reason I think he meant so much to me. He could have said it again, made me fall for him and then leave me in the dust. But he really did care about me. He didn't want to hurt me. Even told me when he started to drift away in the fantasy of this girl who knew so much about the things he loved. He told me in the beginning that he wanted her and he didn't want to break my heart. It wasn't even about the sex. We just liked being in each others company and talking to each other.
Eventually he moved to Seattle to live with her and I was left alone. All my memories inked into my brain like a tattoo. I got my septum pierced, something he had done and wanted me to do and it became my favorite thing about myself. Makes me feel close to him.
I moved on as well and ended up falling for the guy I had been seeing. He ended up breaking my heart 5 months later before prom. But no hard feelings. It just wasn't our time.
Then come August and I find out Tyler had committed suicide. My heart felt like it literally died for a long time. He had stopped talking to me after he moved to Seattle and it tore me apart. But the worst part was that he had moved back to Spokane after he had been depressed and broke up with his girlfriend. So shortly after he arrived in
Tyler Jameson impacted my life in a way that I don't think anyone else will. (And just for the record, I do not think he's a god or above all others. Just hear me out)
It was my senior year. I was living in Olympia with my dad until I turned 18 and moved back to Spokane to be with my mom, family and friends. But before I made the move I met Tyler. He worked with my mom and was living with her for a short period of time. He was just slightly older than me but a lot wiser. This kid was very book smart and questioned everything (mostly religion and politics). Far more wise then I ever pretended to be. But he intrigued me.
As we got to know each other, a spark grew and I started to fall In love. Of course it was never going to happen. He had a girlfriend who he thought might actually be "the one" and I had just started getting to know a boy that I also had thought might be "the one" (but that was after the Tyler stuff that I thought that). In the beginning I wasn't sure about the boy that was to be my boyfriend. Tyler had been so protective and always looking after me and I fell so bad.
After a while we let ourselves go and we had a kinda affair. He had a girlfriend but it just felt right between us. I swore he was going to pick me but in the end I think he figured he'd go with the girl who was more like him. I don't blame him. They had so much in common and I was just hopelessly in love.
Anyway that's not the part that changed my life. During the time that Tyler was in my life full on, he taught me how he felt about the world, about writing, about love. He read me poems and lent me his favorite books (I still have to this day). But most importantly he saved my life.
If you haven't noticed or if you do not know me at all, I suffer from some bad depression problems and often have suicidal thoughts. But my senior year was bad. So bad in my mind that I was done with it all. But he was there and begged me not to think that way and told me a story about a couple years back he felt the same way after he had moved to Seattle. He had to move back to his family in Spokane just to get better. He told me that I had family who loved me and that he himself didn't want to lose me. And for some reason (even though so many people had told me that before) it sank in and I just sat there in his arms, actually feeling better.
We spent so many good times together later on in that year. I visited for Christmas and spent a lot of time with him. Memories I wish would never fade with time. One night after we made love, I swear I heard him say he loved me. I asked him what he said and he told me not to worry and to go to sleep. He tucked me in and left. But I could see it in his eyes and I heard him. Another reason I think he meant so much to me. He could have said it again, made me fall for him and then leave me in the dust. But he really did care about me. He didn't want to hurt me. Even told me when he started to drift away in the fantasy of this girl who knew so much about the things he loved. He told me in the beginning that he wanted her and he didn't want to break my heart. It wasn't even about the sex. We just liked being in each others company and talking to each other.
Eventually he moved to Seattle to live with her and I was left alone. All my memories inked into my brain like a tattoo. I got my septum pierced, something he had done and wanted me to do and it became my favorite thing about myself. Makes me feel close to him.
I moved on as well and ended up falling for the guy I had been seeing. He ended up breaking my heart 5 months later before prom. But no hard feelings. It just wasn't our time.
Then come August and I find out Tyler had committed suicide. My heart felt like it literally died for a long time. He had stopped talking to me after he moved to Seattle and it tore me apart. But the worst part was that he had moved back to Spokane after he had been depressed and broke up with his girlfriend. So shortly after he arrived in
Just boring stuff anyway
Okay so it might not be the best choice to stay up all night thinking and thinking and thinking until it destroys me inside but this is what I do all the time. And lately its getting to me.
As you very well know I live in Mexico right now with my amazing, loving boyfriend, Travis. That should make me happy right? But there's something wrong. Don't misunderstand me when I say this because I do love my boyfriend sooooo much! More than I can even admit to myself. But it's just so hard for me to get rid of the past.
Like,take my dumb ass, good-for-nothing ex who tore my heart out after I hurt him two years ago, for example. I know I might deserve him hurting me after I broke up with him shortly after he moved in with me, but I wouldn't go so far as to say that I deserved it all. (Just for the record, I gave him a month or two to decide if I could have made that relationship work before breaking up with him. So it wasn't random just to be mean. And he knew about it the whole time.) I mean come on, texting the girl you "don't" like saying stuff such as "I can't wait to talk to you when this dinner is over" while sitting and celebrating your "best friend's" dead grandfather's birthday? Please! The same grandfather who took you in in the first place and treated you like part of the family. Treated you better than some of the family? UGHH
But I've got to stop myself there before I lose it again.
The point is, I have never been in a situation where the guy wanted to stay around me for more than five MONTHS. Yeah sad isn't it? But this certain asshole stayed for a year and a half. We dated for five months till I was not happy, broke up, still lived together, moved out of my moms and into our own place, got pets together, supported each other and then finally went our separate ways. We were BEST friends. When we started dating I lost my best friend and he was there to make me feel better. He became my best friend. And before too long he's all I had. He took care of me. And now that's all gone. I had to give it up cold turkey.
Now I have Travis and yes, he is working his ass off to be my best friend, and to take care of me. But there's still something hurting me inside. I just don't know how to handle this situation and Ive been trying to get over it like everyone has been telling me to. My friends and family remind me of how hurt I was when my best friend left me for that bitch. But no matter how many tears I shed for him, and no matter how much hate I have inside, I can't seem to get over it. I'm blaming myself for stuff that isn't my fault. Yeah, some of it is, but not it all.
And now I"m just babbling on about something stupid. I have an amazing boyfriend and I want to give him my all. I want to be the happy girlfriend who showers him with love and sees life at it's brightest. But that just doesn't seem possible right now. I need help but I just don't know how to get it. It's got nothing to do with him, it's me. It's been going on in my head and heart since before we started dating. I just don't know how to process it. I mean, the ONE guy that didn't want to throw me away after 5 months and took care of me and stayed with me through shit storm after shit storm, left. Gone. Never coming back. It's hard. It was meant to be like that... but still one of the hardest things I've ever experienced in my life.
But I'm not gonna give up. And if I end up losing this last chance at happiness with the guy of my dreams, then I don't know what will become of me. I just wish there was some way to fall asleep and wake up with a completely different life or different outlook on it. Cause no matter how hard I try, I have never reached that point. Most days I doubt that I ever will.
As you very well know I live in Mexico right now with my amazing, loving boyfriend, Travis. That should make me happy right? But there's something wrong. Don't misunderstand me when I say this because I do love my boyfriend sooooo much! More than I can even admit to myself. But it's just so hard for me to get rid of the past.
Like,take my dumb ass, good-for-nothing ex who tore my heart out after I hurt him two years ago, for example. I know I might deserve him hurting me after I broke up with him shortly after he moved in with me, but I wouldn't go so far as to say that I deserved it all. (Just for the record, I gave him a month or two to decide if I could have made that relationship work before breaking up with him. So it wasn't random just to be mean. And he knew about it the whole time.) I mean come on, texting the girl you "don't" like saying stuff such as "I can't wait to talk to you when this dinner is over" while sitting and celebrating your "best friend's" dead grandfather's birthday? Please! The same grandfather who took you in in the first place and treated you like part of the family. Treated you better than some of the family? UGHH
But I've got to stop myself there before I lose it again.
The point is, I have never been in a situation where the guy wanted to stay around me for more than five MONTHS. Yeah sad isn't it? But this certain asshole stayed for a year and a half. We dated for five months till I was not happy, broke up, still lived together, moved out of my moms and into our own place, got pets together, supported each other and then finally went our separate ways. We were BEST friends. When we started dating I lost my best friend and he was there to make me feel better. He became my best friend. And before too long he's all I had. He took care of me. And now that's all gone. I had to give it up cold turkey.
Now I have Travis and yes, he is working his ass off to be my best friend, and to take care of me. But there's still something hurting me inside. I just don't know how to handle this situation and Ive been trying to get over it like everyone has been telling me to. My friends and family remind me of how hurt I was when my best friend left me for that bitch. But no matter how many tears I shed for him, and no matter how much hate I have inside, I can't seem to get over it. I'm blaming myself for stuff that isn't my fault. Yeah, some of it is, but not it all.
And now I"m just babbling on about something stupid. I have an amazing boyfriend and I want to give him my all. I want to be the happy girlfriend who showers him with love and sees life at it's brightest. But that just doesn't seem possible right now. I need help but I just don't know how to get it. It's got nothing to do with him, it's me. It's been going on in my head and heart since before we started dating. I just don't know how to process it. I mean, the ONE guy that didn't want to throw me away after 5 months and took care of me and stayed with me through shit storm after shit storm, left. Gone. Never coming back. It's hard. It was meant to be like that... but still one of the hardest things I've ever experienced in my life.
But I'm not gonna give up. And if I end up losing this last chance at happiness with the guy of my dreams, then I don't know what will become of me. I just wish there was some way to fall asleep and wake up with a completely different life or different outlook on it. Cause no matter how hard I try, I have never reached that point. Most days I doubt that I ever will.
Friday, May 11, 2012
No Habla Espanol?
Before I moved to Mexico I used to firmly agree with the "if you are in our country, learn our language" saying. It made sense and yeah, I agree to an extent. However, considering I know VERY little Spanish, I am looking off of that and thanking God they're more understanding here.
I don't know how many times we have gone somewhere and there has been absolutely no one who knows English. It's so hard to communicate and yet it doesn't seem to bother them as much as it bothers American's. For this I feel like I cannot complain about that anymore.
I will not be bothered by all the translations on shampoo bottles and hair dye instructions when I have to search for the English versions, because if there were no English translations here, I would have bought salt instead of sugar. It's helped me out so much.
I guess being here is changing my way of looking at life, even just a little. If only the world could all work together and help others who are in a foreign place. It can be pretty scary being far from home.
I don't know how many times we have gone somewhere and there has been absolutely no one who knows English. It's so hard to communicate and yet it doesn't seem to bother them as much as it bothers American's. For this I feel like I cannot complain about that anymore.
I will not be bothered by all the translations on shampoo bottles and hair dye instructions when I have to search for the English versions, because if there were no English translations here, I would have bought salt instead of sugar. It's helped me out so much.
I guess being here is changing my way of looking at life, even just a little. If only the world could all work together and help others who are in a foreign place. It can be pretty scary being far from home.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Welcome to Mexico, Day three
So begins our adventure in Mexico, so far from home yet still kinda close thanks to the internet :)
It's day three today and I finally have the internet and energy to write about our travels.
Travis and I left on Wednesday morning (well afternoon because we had been delayed due to our procrastinations) and set off to Mexico! First stopping in Idaho, Vegas, and Tuscon Az. Three days later we arrived in Mexico and changed our current lives for the better.
Arriving in Mexico was unlike I thought it would be and we were shocked by the difference in culture.
First off, the land is mostly dessert mountains. We were surrounded by red rocks and sand for as far as we could see. The roads were different and the traffic laws, how should I say... well, completely illegal as to what we were used to. As we rode we saw tons of crosses on the side of the road and I instantly grew thankful for the strict laws in the states for driving. There are a lot less memorials on the side of the road where I come from.
It also amazed me that there were children working in the stores. Like babies to me! Kids my brothers age are bagging groceries and cleaning windows on the streets. Yes, it probably makes them more responsible but it kinda made me sad. All of them working for the tips that most do not give them. It's really sad.
But for the most part everyone seems really welcoming and humble. Instead of getting yelled at and cursed at you are getting people waving at you and smiling. Some staring at the shiny ring hanging out of your nose (oh wait that's just me). Overall, very comfortable.
The ocean is beautiful from the towns view. San Carlos wraps around the ocean like a blanket, taking in the breeze of the water and the extraordinary site of blue and yellow. The skies are always clear and the sun is always out. Another thing I'm not used to coming from Washington state.
And yet with all the beauty around me, I still miss home. I miss my friends and family being so close. I miss everything being connected so closely. Things are close here as well but not as close as in Spokane. It feels like I'm on another planet or on a desert island. But it feels good at the same time. This is what I needed. It will be good for me.
The food here is good as well. It's not all deep fried like in most fast food places in the states. There are a couple places I recognize but not in the area I'm staying. Most of the restaurants are outdoors because of the heat. But it's kind of refreshing. You definitely get your share of sunshine here. The drinking age is also lowered here and I have been enjoying that. Not that I drink a lot but it is nice that I can get a drink and not have to worry about breaking the law. I am 20.5 years old and mature enough to not abuse alcohol like most people think kids do. It's day three and all I've had to drink was my first margarita on day one. It's a nice change, I feel more like a grownup here than in the states. And that's such a relief.
My babies are staying with Mark and Clara for the time being until we can get into their place that accepts pets. However, until their condo is ready for them, we have to visit them at their place while we stay in our cute little studio apartment, only a five minute walk away. It still breaks my heart leaving my babies even that far away from me. They have helped me through a lot of tough days and are one of the things I cannot live without. Call me a crazy cat lady, but Kink and Aria are my children and I don't even want to think about what I'd do if I didn't have them in my life anymore. Just thinking about a life without them makes me cry for hours. I'm just like a paranoid mother with her first child. We got Kink and Aria fixed before our trip and ever since I've been paranoid about their health. All seems to be going well but I still worry profusely about them.
Just yesterday broke down and cried for a while fore when we left Mark and Clara's, Aria followed after me and looked at me with such sad eyes when I started going out the door.
I couldn't leave before picking her up again and giving her many kisses. I hate to see her follow me when I leave. It tears my heart into a billion pieces to see that look on her face. But soon, I will not have to leave her and I'll always be around her. I love them so much you have no idea.
After that I started thinking about just how far away my family is. about 27 hours away? It hit me suddenly as I was thinking and realized I cannot just run to my mom or grandma when I was upset. I couldn't just call and have someone pick me up so I could talk to them. I couldn't just go over to their houses and talk to them for hours about nothing. But I knew that subconsciously going into this. I have no regrets, I just wish it didn't have to be like that. I wish I could have gathered up all my loved ones and stuck them in my suitcase and brought them with me. But that's not possible.
Even though I miss my family and friends SO much, I am glad to be here with my love, Travis. He has been there through all my drama and ups and downs. He's helped me when I was at rock bottom and I am so grateful for him. I could not picture a life without him at this point and am not ashamed to say I love him. We are going through a lot of firsts together and in just a few months he will pass the longest I've ever been with someone, ever! That's really amazing to me. I may have just found my perfect guy and I'm not gonna let myself f**k this one up this time.
It's day three today and I finally have the internet and energy to write about our travels.
Travis and I left on Wednesday morning (well afternoon because we had been delayed due to our procrastinations) and set off to Mexico! First stopping in Idaho, Vegas, and Tuscon Az. Three days later we arrived in Mexico and changed our current lives for the better.
Arriving in Mexico was unlike I thought it would be and we were shocked by the difference in culture.
First off, the land is mostly dessert mountains. We were surrounded by red rocks and sand for as far as we could see. The roads were different and the traffic laws, how should I say... well, completely illegal as to what we were used to. As we rode we saw tons of crosses on the side of the road and I instantly grew thankful for the strict laws in the states for driving. There are a lot less memorials on the side of the road where I come from.
It also amazed me that there were children working in the stores. Like babies to me! Kids my brothers age are bagging groceries and cleaning windows on the streets. Yes, it probably makes them more responsible but it kinda made me sad. All of them working for the tips that most do not give them. It's really sad.
But for the most part everyone seems really welcoming and humble. Instead of getting yelled at and cursed at you are getting people waving at you and smiling. Some staring at the shiny ring hanging out of your nose (oh wait that's just me). Overall, very comfortable.
The ocean is beautiful from the towns view. San Carlos wraps around the ocean like a blanket, taking in the breeze of the water and the extraordinary site of blue and yellow. The skies are always clear and the sun is always out. Another thing I'm not used to coming from Washington state.
And yet with all the beauty around me, I still miss home. I miss my friends and family being so close. I miss everything being connected so closely. Things are close here as well but not as close as in Spokane. It feels like I'm on another planet or on a desert island. But it feels good at the same time. This is what I needed. It will be good for me.
The food here is good as well. It's not all deep fried like in most fast food places in the states. There are a couple places I recognize but not in the area I'm staying. Most of the restaurants are outdoors because of the heat. But it's kind of refreshing. You definitely get your share of sunshine here. The drinking age is also lowered here and I have been enjoying that. Not that I drink a lot but it is nice that I can get a drink and not have to worry about breaking the law. I am 20.5 years old and mature enough to not abuse alcohol like most people think kids do. It's day three and all I've had to drink was my first margarita on day one. It's a nice change, I feel more like a grownup here than in the states. And that's such a relief.
My babies are staying with Mark and Clara for the time being until we can get into their place that accepts pets. However, until their condo is ready for them, we have to visit them at their place while we stay in our cute little studio apartment, only a five minute walk away. It still breaks my heart leaving my babies even that far away from me. They have helped me through a lot of tough days and are one of the things I cannot live without. Call me a crazy cat lady, but Kink and Aria are my children and I don't even want to think about what I'd do if I didn't have them in my life anymore. Just thinking about a life without them makes me cry for hours. I'm just like a paranoid mother with her first child. We got Kink and Aria fixed before our trip and ever since I've been paranoid about their health. All seems to be going well but I still worry profusely about them.
Just yesterday broke down and cried for a while fore when we left Mark and Clara's, Aria followed after me and looked at me with such sad eyes when I started going out the door.
I couldn't leave before picking her up again and giving her many kisses. I hate to see her follow me when I leave. It tears my heart into a billion pieces to see that look on her face. But soon, I will not have to leave her and I'll always be around her. I love them so much you have no idea.
After that I started thinking about just how far away my family is. about 27 hours away? It hit me suddenly as I was thinking and realized I cannot just run to my mom or grandma when I was upset. I couldn't just call and have someone pick me up so I could talk to them. I couldn't just go over to their houses and talk to them for hours about nothing. But I knew that subconsciously going into this. I have no regrets, I just wish it didn't have to be like that. I wish I could have gathered up all my loved ones and stuck them in my suitcase and brought them with me. But that's not possible.
Even though I miss my family and friends SO much, I am glad to be here with my love, Travis. He has been there through all my drama and ups and downs. He's helped me when I was at rock bottom and I am so grateful for him. I could not picture a life without him at this point and am not ashamed to say I love him. We are going through a lot of firsts together and in just a few months he will pass the longest I've ever been with someone, ever! That's really amazing to me. I may have just found my perfect guy and I'm not gonna let myself f**k this one up this time.
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