You might be wondering "why does this girl always get sad and always mention the life/death of a guy that didn't even chose her to be his? Someone who was in her life two years ago and will never come back? And I will tell you.
Tyler Jameson impacted my life in a way that I don't think anyone else will. (And just for the record, I do not think he's a god or above all others. Just hear me out)
It was my senior year. I was living in Olympia with my dad until I turned 18 and moved back to Spokane to be with my mom, family and friends. But before I made the move I met Tyler. He worked with my mom and was living with her for a short period of time. He was just slightly older than me but a lot wiser. This kid was very book smart and questioned everything (mostly religion and politics). Far more wise then I ever pretended to be. But he intrigued me.
As we got to know each other, a spark grew and I started to fall In love. Of course it was never going to happen. He had a girlfriend who he thought might actually be "the one" and I had just started getting to know a boy that I also had thought might be "the one" (but that was after the Tyler stuff that I thought that). In the beginning I wasn't sure about the boy that was to be my boyfriend. Tyler had been so protective and always looking after me and I fell so bad.
After a while we let ourselves go and we had a kinda affair. He had a girlfriend but it just felt right between us. I swore he was going to pick me but in the end I think he figured he'd go with the girl who was more like him. I don't blame him. They had so much in common and I was just hopelessly in love.
Anyway that's not the part that changed my life. During the time that Tyler was in my life full on, he taught me how he felt about the world, about writing, about love. He read me poems and lent me his favorite books (I still have to this day). But most importantly he saved my life.
If you haven't noticed or if you do not know me at all, I suffer from some bad depression problems and often have suicidal thoughts. But my senior year was bad. So bad in my mind that I was done with it all. But he was there and begged me not to think that way and told me a story about a couple years back he felt the same way after he had moved to Seattle. He had to move back to his family in Spokane just to get better. He told me that I had family who loved me and that he himself didn't want to lose me. And for some reason (even though so many people had told me that before) it sank in and I just sat there in his arms, actually feeling better.
We spent so many good times together later on in that year. I visited for Christmas and spent a lot of time with him. Memories I wish would never fade with time. One night after we made love, I swear I heard him say he loved me. I asked him what he said and he told me not to worry and to go to sleep. He tucked me in and left. But I could see it in his eyes and I heard him. Another reason I think he meant so much to me. He could have said it again, made me fall for him and then leave me in the dust. But he really did care about me. He didn't want to hurt me. Even told me when he started to drift away in the fantasy of this girl who knew so much about the things he loved. He told me in the beginning that he wanted her and he didn't want to break my heart. It wasn't even about the sex. We just liked being in each others company and talking to each other.
Eventually he moved to Seattle to live with her and I was left alone. All my memories inked into my brain like a tattoo. I got my septum pierced, something he had done and wanted me to do and it became my favorite thing about myself. Makes me feel close to him.
I moved on as well and ended up falling for the guy I had been seeing. He ended up breaking my heart 5 months later before prom. But no hard feelings. It just wasn't our time.
Then come August and I find out Tyler had committed suicide. My heart felt like it literally died for a long time. He had stopped talking to me after he moved to Seattle and it tore me apart. But the worst part was that he had moved back to Spokane after he had been depressed and broke up with his girlfriend. So shortly after he arrived in
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